youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
