Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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