life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize