i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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