don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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