I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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