He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
