Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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