People in love make me want to vomit
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
