Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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