I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
