phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
