Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
