My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
