people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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