Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
