Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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