you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
