Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
