Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
