At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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