i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
