what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
