lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
