it's too hot outside to masturbate.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
