I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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