I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Houston, we have a blender
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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