He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
