Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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