so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
