she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
