I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
