I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
