So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
