this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
