haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
