Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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