I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this just has baby written all over it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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