return my video game
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
