Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
two words...techno handjob
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize