ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize