used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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