how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
