Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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