It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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