i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
