I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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