y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
