would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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