Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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