A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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