I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
