For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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