No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
