I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
