It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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