You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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