the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
