His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
