This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
