i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
