I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
