So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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