If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
