I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
