So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
