I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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