I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
