im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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