I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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