i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
