hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
